Amy... charming, lovely, delightful, wise, and brilliant...

... tagged me. She is right, I have not blogged enough. I cannot, for reasons of national security, explain the whole thing, but suffice it to say that being on the run from assassins while attempting to perfect world peace and work out agreements with alien civilizations leaves little time for self promotion.

The meme calls me back to my domestic duties:


Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

1. kirk
2. shelly
3. cat
4. amy
5. alex
Then you get to select five people to pass the love on to so they can do this meme, like so:

1. Trixie
2. CaptBinky
3. Gunny Walker
4. EPJ
5. Orange Coffee Gurl
6. Dave

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Suzette. I had to lie about my age, and that's still coming back to haunt me. Cindy, I confess, I used my false age on okcupid; if I were really that young I wouldn't be eligible for president. So of course, I must be 35.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Sleeping, if I recall correctly.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. J-(e)L(L)O
2. Hot apple pie.
3. Tacos
4. Burritos
5. Edible Underwear

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. Beethoven's 5th Symphony
2. Hail to the Chief
3. This Old Man
4. Massochism Tango
5. Theme Song to I Love Lucy

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Run for President
3. Buy Slovetsia
4. Create my own theme park, called Luddland. It would feature statues of the faces of all the presidents, including myself. You would enter through the mouth of a giant mural of me, lying in a sexy pose.
5. Free the Genie

Five bad habits:
1. Jennifer's habit of hooking up with the wrong guys.
2. Johnny Depp's habit of forgetting to bathe.
3. The French.
4. My dog's habit of getting too friendly with your leg.
5. Oscar's grouchiness.

Five things you like doing:
1. Jennifer Lopez
2. running for president
3. chasing cars
4. singing C is for Cookie at the mall
5. Negotiating with terrorists

Five things you would never wear again:
1. An underwire bra.
2. Something dug out of Jennifer's trash
3. An "I love N-Sync" tee shirt
4. A diaper
5. Glow perfume, by Jennifer Lopez

Five favorite toys:
1. Dolly, the inflatable sheep
2. Jenny-poo
3. Happy Meal toys
4. Tickle Me Elmo
5. Betsy Wetsy

Good news for Christmas!

Alex Ludd says --

I got three of the things I asked for for Christmas!
When I got the first, I took it.
Thta's when I got the second.
Now the third is jealous.

Eat my presidential dust!

Alex Ludd says --
I have a Christmas present for all my loyal fans. It's forums. Reach them by clicking here or typing in http://alexluddforums.sytes.net/ in your address bar. Also, there's a link to it in the sidebar. Furthermore, you can now reach my blog by typing in http://alexludd.sytes.net/ if you're bored with my current address, though that will work too.

Dear Santa...

Alex Ludd says --
Dear Santa:
Here is the list of things I want this year. I have been a very good boy this year, I only boxed my sister's ears 2 times this year. I haven't been to jail, either.

• 45" Plasma HDTV


• Hilary Duff


• Deep Impact DVD


• 13 Inches


• The Presidency


• 15 lbs of Skittles


• Wyoming


• A 48-month vacation to Wash. DC


• A $20 gift certificate to Mrs. Fields


• My own secretary


• A white house


• Pokémon season 1 DVD


• A diploma


• Mrs. Johnson, my 10th grade English teacher


• A pair of combat boots


• Cowboy pajamas


• A pair of 7-ft-tall bodyguards


• To be #44


• A partridge in a pear tree


• A plate of tacos


• Viagra


• A 30 gigapixel digital camera


• A first lady


• A new cellphone with a built in 30 gigapixel digital camera


• A pony

Foreign Policy

Alex Ludd says -- No good politician can be entirely without foreign policy. Hell, even Carter had foreign policy. So now, I have foreign policy.

1. Australia sucks. Except that crocodile guy. I think we need to get him out of there and then kill their firstborn sons, or at least mail them some torn-up paper-maché and an empty whiskey bottle.

2. Asia is too short. We need new skewed maps that show it to be somewhat taller than it really is.

3. That prince guy from some country I've never heard of that tried to steal my credit card should be reported to Interpol. Then, we throw rocks at him and hope he goes away.

one ringy dingy

Alex Ludd says --


THREE WOMEN -- ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY -- WERE SITTING
NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.

THE GERMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED
AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.

"THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICRO-CHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE JAPANESE WOMEN LIFTED HER PALM TO
HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I
HAVE A MICRO-CHIP IN MY HAND."

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUT-DONE, SHE
DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.

SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH
A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BEHIND.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID,

"WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT. I'M GETTIN' A FAX."

Oh my.

Alex Ludd says --
This changes everything...

Alex Ludd is --

FACT: You embody the German principle of Konstantzusammenschaft, which is best described in English (without using the obscure English word "sammenschaft") as "eternal togethermanship". The Loverboy Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMm) Well-liked. Well-established. You are The Loverboy. Loverboys thrive in committed, steady relationships--as opposed to, say, Playboys, who want sex without too much attachment. You've had many relationships and nearly all of them have been successful. You're a nice guy, you know the ropes, and even if you can be a little hasty with decisions, most girls think of you as a total catch. Your hastiness comes off as spontaneity most of the time anyhow, making you especially popular in your circle of friends, too. Your exact opposite: The Billy Goat Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer You know not to make the typical Loverboy mistake of choosing someone who appreciates your good humor and popularity, but who offers nothing in return. You belong with someone outgoing, independent, and creative. Otherwise, you'll get bored. And then instead of surprising her with flowers or a practical joke, you'll surprise her by leaving. ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph CONSIDER: The Window Shopper, The Peach Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: alex_ludd

Really, if we're going to be honest about it, very few of the questions offered an accurate answer choice. The only question that allowed me to give completely accurate and honest answers was the one that asked for three adjectives. I put "perfect," "brilliant," and "humble." I was torn between "humble" and "gorgeous" for my third, but I figured gorgeous was a foregone conclusion.

I don't think it understood some of my answers.

Alex Ludd says -- Thanks to Trixie, but the test had some flaws.


The Evil Princess

You are drawn to the sinister side of life and
gravitate towards darker things. You are quite
proud of your dark side and often flaunt it.
Your sinister nature and your willingness to be
cutthroat often result in you playing the
villainess.

Role Model: Snow White's Stepmother

You are most likely to: Team up with an evil dragon
to spread terror across the countryside.


What Kind of Princess are You? - Beautiful Artwork (Original Music is BACK!!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Now, while I find the idea fascinating, I don't think the computer quite understood my, uh, point.

For instance, mentions of my trusty magic wand and my trusty sword... not self-evident enough?

Unfortunately, when it said "A leather and chain mail bustier with a matching loincloth and a jeweled sword" I thought it said "male bustier." I thought the idea intriguing.

Well, if I must wear a damsel's clothing, I may as well wear the knickers of an evil one.

The Family Values Candidate Tells a Story

Alex Ludd says --

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"
The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife and daughter came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. They entered that area and observed the husband/father sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"
The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law.."

This takes all the fun out of them.

Alex Ludd says --
They aren't supposed to be nutritious!

Why I'm all the rage

Alex Ludd says --
My balls are trendy.

Amy's Wish is my Political Advice

Alex Ludd says --
Amy beckons, I answer.

Seven things I want to do before I die:


1. Become president.
2. Master nuclear physics.
3. Obtain uranium.
4. Befriend the head of the CIA.
5. Open a Swiss bank account.
6. Disappear and surface under an assumed identity.
7. Sing the entire Cyndi Lauper songbook on stage.


Seven things I can do:


1. Write with my toes.
2. Lick my eyebrows.
3. Paint with a brush between my buttocks.
4. Act out the entire balcony scene from Romeo and Juliette in belches.
5. Make horses feel inadequate.
6. Sing the entire Sri Lankan national anthem in all four parts, concurrently.
7. Snort an entire fifth of Chivas Regal through the neck of a guitar.

Seven things I cannot do:


1. Tell a lie. I cut down the cherry... tree.
2. Find a good spot remover for clothing.
3. Recall sending weapons to Iran.
4. Resist Marilyn Monroe... movies.
5. Make it all the way through a play.
6. Sneak a helicopter into Tehran.
7. Stand still while the music is playin'



Seven things I say a lot:


1. YES!
2. Cash only.
3. More whipped cream.
4. If you loved me, you would.
5. You can't prove anything.
6. It's only a cold sore.
7. Who would you like me to make it out to?



Seven things I find attractive in the opposite sex:


1. Credit rating.
2. The reflections in their eyes.
3. Pure adoration.
4. Stain resistant clothing.
5. Juicy tootie fruities.
6. Connections.
7. Looks good in a gas mask.



Seven celebrity crushes:


1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Demi Moore
3. Cloris Leachman
4. Mary Kate Olson
5. Carol Channing
6. Keanu Reeves
7. Joan Cusak


Seven people who have to do this next:


1. Nicholas Peterson
2. Lorem Ipsum
3. Day Dreamer
4. Kotar the Humble
5. Shrinking Violet
6. Katie
7. Christopher Walken

You are what you eat.

Alex Ludd says --

Good news. I bought a 12 oz milk carton of Whoppers, and this time they are smooth, sweet, and delectable.

Skindee's new picture is very pretty.

Trixie, dropping her purls of wisdom, admits that while she links to so many knitting forums, she wants to learn to knit.

Rabbitch has given me a whole new appreciation for the possibilities of opera.

Amy, who forgot to name me among her celebrity crushes, made up for it by tagging me. Oooh, that was fun!

Shady Hills Whopper Village

Alex Ludd says --

nothing for a moment. I'm shocked, speechless. I bought a tiny plastic container of Whoppers that sat on the candy rack beside the overpriced Kit Kats, because it had a 55 cent instant coupon on it. Three ounces, or the rough equivalent of a Milky Way.

It was not the price of a Milky Way, though. It was two dollars.

I can live with my mistakes, so I bit the bullet and opened the small plastic treasure, eagerly salivating as I anticipated the sensuous taste of malt. I looked. I blinked. I looked again.

These aren't Whoppers, they are the retired grandmothers of Whoppers. They were so old, dried, and wrinkled that I knew they were not at home here. They belonged in Shady Hills Diastoid Village. How am I supposed to eat someone's grandmother, I ask you? I'd feel like Ashton Kucher.

I propose that one of my first acts as president will be the creation of a new office, the Department of Diastoid Security and Chocolate Purity. The next issue it takes on may be the presence of carob in the "chocolate" mix in these abominaballs.

As the bumper sticker says, if you aren't outraged, you aren't paying attention.

Alex Ludd says -- A little political humor might spice up my campaign.

Q. Why did the Senator cross the road?
A. To get to the party!

Q. What do you get when you cross a liar and a cheat?
A. Mysteriously found dead with a gun in your hand!

Q. What's the difference between a Democrat and a Republican?
A. A few hundred votes (depending on the election)

A. This was put in the wrong order.
Q. What is this question?

Well, I hope that satisfied your funny bone a little. Or a lot. And maybe, if I'm your type, it satisfied some other things.

More on Marriage

Alex Ludd says --

If I went to Sweden and got married there, would the United States have to acknowledge all of my spouses as legal?

Inquiring Minds Want to Know!

Good Looking People Deserve to Win

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table when a hot blonde walks up and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. "I hope you don't mind," she says to the two men, "but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." She strips naked and rolls the dice.

As the dice come to a stop, she jumps up and down screams, "I WON I WON!!"

She then hugs both the dealers, picks up her money and her clothes, and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."

Reasons to Love Me

Alex Ludd says --

Greetings once again, to all of you, my wonderfully supportive and adoring fans. I realize that as of late, I have been immersing you all in the plans of my political future. Important as it is for me to become president, in order to perfect the nature of American society, I think it's time to take a break. Of course, if I expect youy to vote for me, I'll need you to know the issues I represent, and the angles I am approaching the office from.

But I think you need to know me as a person, too.

I am positive you have all been asking yourselves for some time now, some of these questions.

What is Alex's favorite TV show? Where does he live? What's his favorite brand of TV Dinner? Who the hell is he?

Well, I am going to answer all of these questions... and more!

Q. What is your favorite TV Show?
A. The Brady Bunch... or Pokemon. I haven't decided.

Q. Where do you live?
A. In America, obviously. MORON!

Q. What is your favorite brand of TV Dinner?
A. Kids's Cuisine

Q. Who the hell are you?
A. I am the sum of all fantasies.

Q. Who do you admire most?
A. Justin Timberlake, Myself, Tinky-Winky, Katie, Lindsey Lohan, Mr. Tee, Myself, Mr. Clean, Popeye, Myself, Christopher Walken, Cindy, Myself, Ginger and Maryanne, etc.

Q. How do you like your eggs?
A. Scrambled over easy.

Q. What's your favorite website?
A. ebay..org - You can find beef jerky AND Liza Minelli records!

Q. What is your favorite thing about yourself?
A. The dashingly attractive and manly cleft in my chin.

Q. What is your favorite candy?
A. Candace Bergen.

Q. What do you look for in a mate?
A. Willingness to admire my handsomeness.

Q. What do you look for in a back massage?
A. Bra Hooks.

Q. Who is your favorite celebrity of all time?
A. The Brain.

Q. What is your favorite question?
A. The one where I mentioned my childhood experiences.

Q. Where do you plan to retire?
A. Springfield Retirement Castle.

Q. What is your favorite sport?
A. Skirt-chasing.

Q. How tall are you?
A. About 3 inches taller than you.

Q. What color are your underpants?
A. The color of LOVE.

Q. Which Olsen twin?
A. The one on the left.

Q. What OS Do you use?
A. Microsoft.

Q. Is this the last question?
A. Probably not.

Q. What languages do you know?
A. English, Romanian, Czekoslovakian, American, Texan, Pig Latin, ASL

Q. What comments do people most often make to you?
A. "Your fly is open."

Q. What is your most often-used reply to this?
A. "No it's not. I'm just happy to see you."

Q. How old are you?
A. Why? She's 18, isn't she?

Q. Will you answer this question?
A. No.


I'm sure you are all beginning to understand why I'm so wonderful by now, right? Still, if you're notcompletely satisfied, not only do I promise you a full refund, but you can ask me whatever you want, and I promsie to answer 97% honestly, guaranteed.

Alex Ludd says --
I've given it deep thought for several minutes now, and after volleying suggestions around, have realized the critical and tragic flaw in the whole first lady idea. My whole campaign has been built around the fact that, being single, I am unable to cheat on a wife. Although I know the American Voter is capable of vast self-delusion, I am not sure even I could convince them that a married man would be the best for the job because of his singleness. Also, I fear it would disillusion a number of said American Voters.

The groups I particularly worry about are:

• Jon-Jon Kennedy fan club. Millions of women wanted to marry this lad, and found themselves disappointed. Dare I disappoint them again?
• Married women who just know I would be better in bed than their husbands.
• Single women who would like to intern for me but avoid the entanglement of scandals about stained dresses and definitions of two-letter words.
• Gay men.
• Bisexual men and women who would feel betrayed if I settled publicly and permanently for a mere one gender.
• People of Amazonian descent.

I am sure you can see that this is a very tricky issue, and at the very least deserves a good deal more thought, beef jerky, and Liza Minelli listening.

The questions on everyone's mind

Alex Ludd says --

I feel your anticipation. I know what you're thinking. Pins and needles, damp underarms, who, just who will make it to round two of the selection process for Alex Ludd appointees?

Seeing how well the campaign is going, I think it's a safe bet that I'd better be prepared to win. Unfortunately, my top hush hush campaign advisors are having internal squabbles. One advisor, a chick, says to rubber stamp Trixie's proposals, because she's the smart one. Another advisor, a dude, says not to let one person have that much power in my administration, especially the smart one. A third advisor, who I suspect is a shemale, says to let wardrobe decide.

I don't know who to listen to anymore. There have been suggestions that some of my most trusted allies might actually be moles, and I don't know who is and who isn't. I know now that I will not be inviting Robert Dinero or Cindy Crawford to be on my staff, just to be safe.

I'm sorry, Trixie, that I don't have an answer for you yet. I'm giving it serious thought, though.

The Movies

Alex Ludd says -- Every good president gets a movie made about him. Nixon had many ("Dick" was the best), Roosevelt made a guest appearence in "Annie", and Prince John was defeated by Robin Hood repeatedly. For this reason, I feel I need to start writing the script for my movie. Since I haven't actually started my term yet, I can just write the movie about what I PLAN on doing, and then do it, so it'll be completely accurate without having to cover peoples' mouths and do voiceovers.

Also, has anyone here been following Hurricane Rita? It seems to be acting rather indecisive; unable to make up its mind about what category it is. What I've noticed, however, is that it is only hitting the South (many more African Americans live in the South). I do not believe in such racism, so I'm going to push for a new law, upon my presidency, requiring hurricanes to be spread evenly across the nation, and I'll institute a $5,000 fine for the destruction of levys. Take that, Mrs. Nature! I'll see you in PRISON!

Where I stand

Alex Ludd says -- It seems that I need to have a platform to stand on, because I can't just stand on the fence for all the major issues. I don't think my feet could handle that. Anyhow, I have a lot of views on all the important things. For example, I think that global warming needs to be stopped. I plan on starting a new project for the construction of a giant atmosphere conditioner that will cool the atmosphere and sell the extra heat to the power plants (the profit will be used to remove the national debt). That's killing two birds with one rifle! I will also make sure to brush my teeth three times a day to make sure that I look my best whenever I'm on TV or radio shows making public announcements. And remember: While Christopher Walken is wasting time building houses without the help of architects for his campaign:

I'm preparing to make the world a better place through good policies and hotness.

Never disregard the advice of your attorney general.

She suggested this questionnaire, so I'd better take it.

So you think you know your friends...

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Probably in Nawlins. I doubt I could afford Honolulu.


2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
It would have to be the bow tie.


3. THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Jim Neighbors Songs of Inspiration.


4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
Sometime between 5 and 11.


5. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?
Ishtar.


6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Kazoo.


7. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
Red, White, and Blue. Rah.


8. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
Sports car. More intimate.


9. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
Only for some, my friend. Only for some.


10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?



11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Fall. That's when elections are.


12. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Amy said "Forgiveness." She's a better person than me. I'd really enjoy the power to throw their sorry butts in jail.


13. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
If I revealed that, you'd have to disappear.


14. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
Yes. I'm extremely talented with my hands. They're large, you know.


15. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
The zookeeper.


16. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Tuesday. Particularly the first one in November.


17. WHAT'S IN THE BACK OF YOUR TRUNK?
The same thing pictured on my tattoo.


18. SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Hamburger. Followed by apple pie. Go, America!


19. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL EMAIL THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
I haven't decided yet who to send it to.


20. WHO'S LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
My mother. She doesn't like me much. Also, she can't read.


21. WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM?
Amy, future attorney general.


22. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?
Titan Arum (aka corpse flower)



23. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
I'm waiting to be convinced.


24. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR DREAM JOB?
President of the United States.


25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL?
A Slim Fast, with a banana added, and a couple scoops of vanilla ice cream, and some chocolate syrup. With whipped cream on top.

A very "personal" message to my loyal follower

Alex Ludd says -- That means you, Skindee. Here's the banner you requested. I hope you know how to copy it. BTW, I fixed the mistake I made the first time where it said Christopher Walken was my running companion. I do not believe in running along side someone who will try to ruin me when I win.And to anyone who can... Put THIS on your site. Help spread the word of my magnificent and long-awaited coming!

Candidacy Statement

Alex Ludd says -- It is time for me to give my candidacy statement to the world. No need to thank me.

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Alex Ludd, and I hope to be the next president of the United States. I know what you are thinking: why should I vote for this newcomer to American Politics, whom I've never heard of? Well, I believe that once you've heard my qualifications, you will agree that I am the best person for the job.

First of all, we agree politically. That bozo that you didn't like? I didn't vote for him, either. In fact, I have not voted in ANY of the presidential elections in the past two decades, so I have literally no voting record for you to oppose, and I have never voted for the wrong person, not even once.

I know that you feel strongly about your political views, and so do I. In fact, I am not a member of any opposition party; you may rest assured that I will not oppose your pet initiatives or key stands. Not having held public office, I have never accepted a bribe, and you can sleep easy at night that I have never been involved in any public scandal!

In fact, I am nearly scandal proof. Being single, if I screw around I am not scandalizing a marriage. I promise here and now never to use the excuse that "I didn't inhale;" and not being inclined to commit myself to any one person, there is little risk of my ever committing adultery, even in the future. I am not a fitness nut, and you will never see me prancing around the streets of DC in my jogging shorts, or chasing skirts around the office. I don't have the energy for such exertion, and I recognize that singling out just one gender might be construed as discriminatory.

I think you can see that I am simply not a threat to either your causes or the nation's reputation. I know that by now you WANT to vote for me. You can do so in good conscience, because you see in addition to my obvious political qualifications, I have the background for the job.

An experienced inductee into the world of politics and representation, I have run for office not once, but twice. My freshman year in high school, I ran for student council, and my senior year I ran for class treasurer. I have ample exposure, too, to the world of national and international politics; I've seen Presidents Clinton and Bush on television numerous times, and watched most of the Nixon funeral. (Did you know that he was a Quaker?) I also have intimate knowledge concerning the current President Bush. I know his middle initial.

I am a caring person, and I especially care about children. I plan to be known as the education president. Education is vitally important to me, as evidenced by my own academic record. I graduated high school in the top 3/5 of my class, and this included taking several college prep classes. I attended summer school three different times, and had a reputation in high school for sticking around after classes, painting or picking up trash. My name was well-known also the office staff.

In case you are dubious of my seriousness, please let me assure you that I have given this a great deal of thought. I've even thought about who to appoint to cabinet positions, and have decided to ask Jennifer Lopez to be my running mate.

Lastly, I want to let you know that I take YOUR input seriously. If you have any questions, suggestions, or input, please feel free to email me at alexludd -(at)- gmail -(dot)- com and share your concerns. Remember, I'm here for you.

Stand up and make your stand for quality government! Plan to vote for me in the next presidential election, and please email this URL (webpage address) to all who you know to care about things of importance. Also, please feel free to copy or link to my presidential banner ad and place it on your own website, to show your support for quality!

Most sincerely,

Alex P. Ludd, esq.

The Popular Vote

Alex Ludd says -- I called this post "The Popular Vote". This is because I understand that people vote for whoever is more popular. I also understand that giant bugs don't help popularity too much. Which is why I have taken up a new sport. Go for the spike!

Please consider posting this banner to your website or blog. It will really help the cause; and besides, Alex Ludd is, after all, the first winner of the prestigious Alex Ludd Award for Mega Hotness. And I've never eaten human flesh.
[note: my lawyers have advised me to mention in passing here that Christopher Walken is not known to eat human flesh, either. Any rumors to the contrary are unsubstantiated.]

September 11

Alex Ludd says -- Today is the 4th aniversery of September 11. Let us all make pictures to honor those who have died.

It's official.

I think I'm making progress.

Alex Ludd says --

Skindee has been asking questions about me. I think she's interested! And I have to say, I can't help noticing that little bit of red lace she's sporting. I wonder how I'd look in red.

Do not laugh when mourning me or I will come back to haunt you.

Alex Ludd says --
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered
in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The
heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared
at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a
gynecologist."

That's when the proctologist chick fainted.

Important News Update

Alex Ludd says -- My ball has antennae. See related link for more details.

Ms. Jones gotta yellow bird

Alex Ludd says --

I wonder if skindee over at Adventures in Blah Blah Land would go out with me.

A big fire in Portugal

Alex Ludd says -- There's a big fire in Portugal. A lot of contries helped to fight it. Let's all take a moment to honor the souls who died fighting this fire.











Okay. Now that that's dealt with, I'm going to go play Yahtzee!

Wedding Sign

Alex Ludd says -- Check out my wedding sign.
I don't want to get married here.

Also, road signs.


Check the related link for more.

Publicity Stunts

Alex Ludd says -- He gone dun' it again. I try to gain some publicity by making a blog, and Ted goes and makes airplanes with his name on them. WHY DOES HE INSIST ON OUTDOING/ONE-UPPING ME??????? It seems like every time I do something, he does it one better. It's not really fair, either, because my blog posts, no matter how well written, can't possibly compete with his honey roasted peanuts, since his are edible. Actually, you CAN print out my posts and eat the paper, but that still doesn't taste as good. Fortunately, he'll never be able to compete with my hotness. In fact, this chart should explain everything.

Lookie here!

Alex Ludd says -- I've got me a BRAND NEW BAXXETBALL!!! Check it, I know you'll enjoy, mate.

Take a look, peeps!

Alex Ludd says --
Aw, shucks, I'm blushing.

This Sounds Like a Job for...

Dumbing it Down

Alex Ludd says -- I thought this article was funny. Remember, the link is in the title.

Ask again later.

Alex Ludd says -- Michal Jackson's balls are still black. Why isn't he?

E-Bay

Alex Ludd says -- Has anybody here ever heard of E-Bay? It's an online store where you can buy any movie you want. They have DVDs, VHSs, Betamaces, movie memorabilia, movie promotional posters, movie-character action figures, movie novelizations, novels that movies were inspired by, movie players, video games based on movies, movie soundtracks, etc. The best part is, they never run out of stock! You can find ANYTHING YOU WANT and buy AS MANY AS YOU WANT.

Four Out of Five Optometrists Agree

Alex Ludd says --

The optometrist was very concerned as he approached John. "Mr. Thomas, you are going to have to stop masturbating."

John looked puzzled, then shocked. "You mean it really does cause blindness?"

"It isn't that," said Dr. Fixeye. "It's the other patients... they've been complaining."

Power to tha people!

Alex Ludd says -- The people need a strong leader. One who's willing to show his strength to the world. One who's not afraid to admit how great he is. Like me. Look how strong, great, and hot I am. Vote for me.

have you seen this yet?

Alex Ludd says --
Was just wondering. Check it out, dudes.

The Time of Year

Alex Ludd says -- It's that time of year again! You know the drill: Go to Work, Go to a Barbecue, Go to Bed. Well, I came up with a good idea to make it all better. All you need to do is go to a camp! These camps are a great way to make friends, meet new people, and other stuff. You get to do all sorts of great things, such as burning marshmellows, listening to people who can't sing destroying songs you don't know, and getting mosquito bites! But the best part of the summer is the 4th of July! Unless you're not American, but the 4th of July is the Independence Day of the United States of America! There are all sorts of things to do on that very special day. For example, you could make fireworks, or make Bar BQ or make money selling candy and fireworks!

Anyhow, I thought I'd end with a picture of the summer.

I've been reading LiveJournal

Alex Ludd says --
I've been reading some LiveJournal diaries, and they seem to be very popular, so I decided to try that style.

Dear Diary,

Mood today: Angsty.
Music on the stereo: Barry Manilow

You know who (L) is sooo cute. He was talking to S and S said that L and T had a conversation about me. I'm dying to find out what they said, but I am playing it cool.

The dance was so without. Not a single cool person was there. Mom is raggin on my weight and Dad keeps trying to talk about why I should go to his college. NOT.

I think tomorrow I will call L and hang up when someone answers.

OMG I can't believe L was talking about me!

TTFN, TTYL!
Alex the Baboon

I'm back

Ok, I'm back. She's easier than I thought.

Busy times!

Alex Ludd says --
I just wanted to let you know that due to a very busy schedule, I'll be offline for a few hours. I'll let you know when everything is worked out.

Thanks for your understanding. Please continue to reply in the comment fields -- you are the force that keeps this blog so popular!

Love and hugs,
Alex

I guess were screwed

Alex Ludd says -- Yeah, umm... If the Middle East made a Union, there is no way we can survive an attack. I think that we should repeat the 60s and 70s and build bomb shelters. Then the survivers can bomb the crap out of the attackers. Take that, Saddam!

The link is in the title if you were wondering.

It's ok.

Alex Ludd says -- It's all right, peeps. I went to the doctor, and everything's fixed.

I'm down to two balls now.

This Rebellious gal with an attitude problem

The title is a link, and it says it all. Well, most of it. I don't even know this broad, and she's calling me a jerk. How hellaciously rude is that? Ok, fine. I'm a jerk. And she's an emu. Take that, wench! Nya. Neener. I win.

Uh oh

Alex Ludd says -- It looks like somebody needs a hug.

OOOOOOO

Maybe also some kisses.

XXXXXXX

Or perhaps both.

XOXOXOXO

Maybe we should meet. My phone number is listed.

Oh, MG!!

omg!

omg! how can it be! hey that rhymed! but thats not the point. my friend just told me that there are some people who are angry at me! how is this possible! I have not done anything to affend anyone! and I am so hot it is inconcevable!

if you know why this amazinbgly impossible thing is happeneing, please email me pronto! it just might save your life!

Attention, if you are paying attention.

Alex Ludd says --

My balls now have dimples.

Just a Misunderstanding.

Sex Wax is for surfboards? Damn. That explains a lot.

Important Notice Enclosed

Alex Ludd says -- It has come to our attention that your payment is overdue. Please deal with this immediately or we will be forced to take legal action. Thank you.

-Superfied Credit Union

AMT DUE	AMT PAID	DATE	REASON	COLOR
$1000.00	$0.00	3-60-92	N/A	RED

omfg

omfg

Michael Jackson

Alex Ludd says -- Mikey Baby is da man! Uh, da guy? Da ... whatever. Who ever said that not guilty means innocent? Blah. It don't count unless ya get caught. Michael Jackson, darlin, if I ever get in trubble, will you lend me yer lawyer?

Hello?

Is anyone out there? I haven't gotten any comments yet!

My Theory

He isn't dead at all. I think he's still alive pretending to be an Elvis impersonator. That would be the perfect disguise, because everybody would be sure that he wasn't Elvis at all if he looked like he was only pretending to be. It's like in the movie where the guy goes disguised as himself so nobody will recognize him.

By the way

Alex Ludd says -- I've got balls of steel.

Watch

I got a new watch. It has all the great features:

• Digital Display
• Hours, minutes, seconds hands
• Date/Day of the week
• Analog Display
• Gold Plated (6 carrot)
• Calculator
• Remote Control
• Built in TETRIS (tm) game
• Replaceable battery
• Convenient Velcro (tm) Strap
• Glow in the Dark
• Stopwatch
• Alarm Clock
• Bluetooth compatible

I think this thing is pretty great.

I think I'm in love.

This Great Movie

Ive just seen this great movie. Its the one where the... nevermind. I wont spoil it for you. anyhow, i'ts the one in the link. I'm giving it a rating of 100 stars.

If he's so smart, why are his brains falling out?

This guy says
"Alex is so dumb, that I'm completely amazed that he's able to wear a shirt without choking himself."

Alex Ludd says -- Well, same to you and more of it. I'm rubber and you're glue. So there!

a request

Will somebody please add me to stumbleupon?

Tennis players have fuzzy balls.

Attention

Well, as it turns out, PhotoShopPro screwed up my logo, so its' showing up as a broken image. So instead, youl'l just have to wait intil I get a new copy of PhotoShopPro that doesn't do that.

xoxoxo Alex Ludd oxoxox

Capaign Logo

Here is a logo I made for my campgian. I hope you all like it and vote for me. It is a sexy picture of a sexy me.

All the Women Want Me

Actually, the men too. for the most part. I mean, I'm hot. What's better than that? I mean, not just average hot, or even pretty hot. I mean so incredibly hot that I have a set of planets rotating 'round me. You can look but don't touch - play with fire and you get burned, baby!

Write me a letter. Tell me how much you love me. I promise I'll write back. Just make sure you include a picture. The better you look the less I'll insult you.

I have a campaign slogan now.

"I might screw up, but I'll look pretty damn sexy when I do."

You should vote for me for president.

Mainly, what you need to know about me is that I'm hot. I know, it's traditionally a women's issue, but men can care about it, too. Men, burn your bras! Admit that you'd rather vote for a hot man than a wimpy one. It won't make you less of a man.

I love you, man. Really, I do. And if I win, I will prove it.

Hugs and kisses,
Alex.