sestdiena, oktobris 08, 2005

Reasons to Love Me

Alex Ludd says --

Greetings once again, to all of you, my wonderfully supportive and adoring fans. I realize that as of late, I have been immersing you all in the plans of my political future. Important as it is for me to become president, in order to perfect the nature of American society, I think it's time to take a break. Of course, if I expect youy to vote for me, I'll need you to know the issues I represent, and the angles I am approaching the office from.

But I think you need to know me as a person, too.

I am positive you have all been asking yourselves for some time now, some of these questions.

What is Alex's favorite TV show? Where does he live? What's his favorite brand of TV Dinner? Who the hell is he?

Well, I am going to answer all of these questions... and more!

Q. What is your favorite TV Show?
A. The Brady Bunch... or Pokemon. I haven't decided.

Q. Where do you live?
A. In America, obviously. MORON!

Q. What is your favorite brand of TV Dinner?
A. Kids's Cuisine

Q. Who the hell are you?
A. I am the sum of all fantasies.

Q. Who do you admire most?
A. Justin Timberlake, Myself, Tinky-Winky, Katie, Lindsey Lohan, Mr. Tee, Myself, Mr. Clean, Popeye, Myself, Christopher Walken, Cindy, Myself, Ginger and Maryanne, etc.

Q. How do you like your eggs?
A. Scrambled over easy.

Q. What's your favorite website?
A. - You can find beef jerky AND Liza Minelli records!

Q. What is your favorite thing about yourself?
A. The dashingly attractive and manly cleft in my chin.

Q. What is your favorite candy?
A. Candace Bergen.

Q. What do you look for in a mate?
A. Willingness to admire my handsomeness.

Q. What do you look for in a back massage?
A. Bra Hooks.

Q. Who is your favorite celebrity of all time?
A. The Brain.

Q. What is your favorite question?
A. The one where I mentioned my childhood experiences.

Q. Where do you plan to retire?
A. Springfield Retirement Castle.

Q. What is your favorite sport?
A. Skirt-chasing.

Q. How tall are you?
A. About 3 inches taller than you.

Q. What color are your underpants?
A. The color of LOVE.

Q. Which Olsen twin?
A. The one on the left.

Q. What OS Do you use?
A. Microsoft.

Q. Is this the last question?
A. Probably not.

Q. What languages do you know?
A. English, Romanian, Czekoslovakian, American, Texan, Pig Latin, ASL

Q. What comments do people most often make to you?
A. "Your fly is open."

Q. What is your most often-used reply to this?
A. "No it's not. I'm just happy to see you."

Q. How old are you?
A. Why? She's 18, isn't she?

Q. Will you answer this question?
A. No.

I'm sure you are all beginning to understand why I'm so wonderful by now, right? Still, if you're notcompletely satisfied, not only do I promise you a full refund, but you can ask me whatever you want, and I promsie to answer 97% honestly, guaranteed.


Blogger Amy said...

boxers or briefs?

sestdiena, oktobris 08, 2005 12:45:00 pēcpusdienā  
Blogger Alex Ludd said...


I really don't like either/or questions because it doesn't leave me a third way out, such as boxerbriefs or speedos.

svētdiena, oktobris 09, 2005 12:42:00 priekšpusdienā  
Blogger Amy said...

Perhaps this is one reason you chose me to be your Attorney General?

svētdiena, oktobris 09, 2005 3:07:00 pēcpusdienā  
Blogger cinders said...

What do you do if the bra hooks in the front?

pirmdiena, oktobris 10, 2005 9:20:00 priekšpusdienā  
Blogger Alex Ludd said...

Back massages aren't encompassing enough, are they?

pirmdiena, oktobris 10, 2005 11:53:00 priekšpusdienā  
Blogger cinders said...

A back massage isn't a back massage unless it's a "back massage"

And how dare you list me AFTER Christopher Walken in your admiration list! Unless that's another Cindy you're referring to in which case...

well, I won't go there.

pirmdiena, oktobris 10, 2005 2:16:00 pēcpusdienā  
Blogger Alex Ludd said...

I listed you in alphabetical order.

pirmdiena, oktobris 10, 2005 6:17:00 pēcpusdienā  
Blogger cinders said...

Lindsey, Cindy

Oh, okay I see.

otrdiena, oktobris 11, 2005 7:38:00 priekšpusdienā  
Blogger Alex Ludd said...

You don't have to worry about Cindy Crawford, anyway. You know, the whole mole thing.

otrdiena, oktobris 11, 2005 1:09:00 pēcpusdienā  
Blogger cinders said...

I have a mole. Aren't you paying attention?!

It's not as big as hers though.

otrdiena, oktobris 11, 2005 2:30:00 pēcpusdienā  
Anonymous Anonīms said...

Stop spankin' the white orb and get on with the campaign. Questions just lead to evasion which leads to taunting by the press. But a man can use a good taunt every once in a while !

WaWa (aka Trixie's husband)

piektdiena, oktobris 14, 2005 8:21:00 pēcpusdienā  

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