piektdiena, septembris 30, 2005

The questions on everyone's mind

Alex Ludd says --

I feel your anticipation. I know what you're thinking. Pins and needles, damp underarms, who, just who will make it to round two of the selection process for Alex Ludd appointees?

Seeing how well the campaign is going, I think it's a safe bet that I'd better be prepared to win. Unfortunately, my top hush hush campaign advisors are having internal squabbles. One advisor, a chick, says to rubber stamp Trixie's proposals, because she's the smart one. Another advisor, a dude, says not to let one person have that much power in my administration, especially the smart one. A third advisor, who I suspect is a shemale, says to let wardrobe decide.

I don't know who to listen to anymore. There have been suggestions that some of my most trusted allies might actually be moles, and I don't know who is and who isn't. I know now that I will not be inviting Robert Dinero or Cindy Crawford to be on my staff, just to be safe.

I'm sorry, Trixie, that I don't have an answer for you yet. I'm giving it serious thought, though.



piektdiena, septembris 23, 2005

The Movies

Alex Ludd says -- Every good president gets a movie made about him. Nixon had many ("Dick" was the best), Roosevelt made a guest appearence in "Annie", and Prince John was defeated by Robin Hood repeatedly. For this reason, I feel I need to start writing the script for my movie. Since I haven't actually started my term yet, I can just write the movie about what I PLAN on doing, and then do it, so it'll be completely accurate without having to cover peoples' mouths and do voiceovers.

Also, has anyone here been following Hurricane Rita? It seems to be acting rather indecisive; unable to make up its mind about what category it is. What I've noticed, however, is that it is only hitting the South (many more African Americans live in the South). I do not believe in such racism, so I'm going to push for a new law, upon my presidency, requiring hurricanes to be spread evenly across the nation, and I'll institute a $5,000 fine for the destruction of levys. Take that, Mrs. Nature! I'll see you in PRISON!

svētdiena, septembris 18, 2005

Where I stand

Alex Ludd says -- It seems that I need to have a platform to stand on, because I can't just stand on the fence for all the major issues. I don't think my feet could handle that. Anyhow, I have a lot of views on all the important things. For example, I think that global warming needs to be stopped. I plan on starting a new project for the construction of a giant atmosphere conditioner that will cool the atmosphere and sell the extra heat to the power plants (the profit will be used to remove the national debt). That's killing two birds with one rifle! I will also make sure to brush my teeth three times a day to make sure that I look my best whenever I'm on TV or radio shows making public announcements. And remember: While Christopher Walken is wasting time building houses without the help of architects for his campaign:

I'm preparing to make the world a better place through good policies and hotness.

sestdiena, septembris 17, 2005

Never disregard the advice of your attorney general.



She suggested this questionnaire, so I'd better take it.

So you think you know your friends...


1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Probably in Nawlins. I doubt I could afford Honolulu.


2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
It would have to be the bow tie.


3. THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Jim Neighbors Songs of Inspiration.


4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
Sometime between 5 and 11.


5. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?
Ishtar.


6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Kazoo.


7. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
Red, White, and Blue. Rah.


8. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
Sports car. More intimate.


9. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
Only for some, my friend. Only for some.


10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?



11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Fall. That's when elections are.


12. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Amy said "Forgiveness." She's a better person than me. I'd really enjoy the power to throw their sorry butts in jail.


13. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
If I revealed that, you'd have to disappear.


14. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
Yes. I'm extremely talented with my hands. They're large, you know.


15. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
The zookeeper.


16. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Tuesday. Particularly the first one in November.


17. WHAT'S IN THE BACK OF YOUR TRUNK?
The same thing pictured on my tattoo.


18. SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Hamburger. Followed by apple pie. Go, America!


19. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL EMAIL THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
I haven't decided yet who to send it to.


20. WHO'S LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
My mother. She doesn't like me much. Also, she can't read.


21. WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM?
Amy, future attorney general.


22. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?
Titan Arum (aka corpse flower)



23. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
I'm waiting to be convinced.


24. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR DREAM JOB?
President of the United States.


25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL?
A Slim Fast, with a banana added, and a couple scoops of vanilla ice cream, and some chocolate syrup. With whipped cream on top.

piektdiena, septembris 16, 2005

A very "personal" message to my loyal follower

Alex Ludd says -- That means you, Skindee. Here's the banner you requested. I hope you know how to copy it. BTW, I fixed the mistake I made the first time where it said Christopher Walken was my running companion. I do not believe in running along side someone who will try to ruin me when I win.And to anyone who can... Put THIS on your site. Help spread the word of my magnificent and long-awaited coming!


trešdiena, septembris 14, 2005

Candidacy Statement

Alex Ludd says -- It is time for me to give my candidacy statement to the world. No need to thank me.

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Alex Ludd, and I hope to be the next president of the United States. I know what you are thinking: why should I vote for this newcomer to American Politics, whom I've never heard of? Well, I believe that once you've heard my qualifications, you will agree that I am the best person for the job.

First of all, we agree politically. That bozo that you didn't like? I didn't vote for him, either. In fact, I have not voted in ANY of the presidential elections in the past two decades, so I have literally no voting record for you to oppose, and I have never voted for the wrong person, not even once.

I know that you feel strongly about your political views, and so do I. In fact, I am not a member of any opposition party; you may rest assured that I will not oppose your pet initiatives or key stands. Not having held public office, I have never accepted a bribe, and you can sleep easy at night that I have never been involved in any public scandal!

In fact, I am nearly scandal proof. Being single, if I screw around I am not scandalizing a marriage. I promise here and now never to use the excuse that "I didn't inhale;" and not being inclined to commit myself to any one person, there is little risk of my ever committing adultery, even in the future. I am not a fitness nut, and you will never see me prancing around the streets of DC in my jogging shorts, or chasing skirts around the office. I don't have the energy for such exertion, and I recognize that singling out just one gender might be construed as discriminatory.

I think you can see that I am simply not a threat to either your causes or the nation's reputation. I know that by now you WANT to vote for me. You can do so in good conscience, because you see in addition to my obvious political qualifications, I have the background for the job.

An experienced inductee into the world of politics and representation, I have run for office not once, but twice. My freshman year in high school, I ran for student council, and my senior year I ran for class treasurer. I have ample exposure, too, to the world of national and international politics; I've seen Presidents Clinton and Bush on television numerous times, and watched most of the Nixon funeral. (Did you know that he was a Quaker?) I also have intimate knowledge concerning the current President Bush. I know his middle initial.

I am a caring person, and I especially care about children. I plan to be known as the education president. Education is vitally important to me, as evidenced by my own academic record. I graduated high school in the top 3/5 of my class, and this included taking several college prep classes. I attended summer school three different times, and had a reputation in high school for sticking around after classes, painting or picking up trash. My name was well-known also the office staff.

In case you are dubious of my seriousness, please let me assure you that I have given this a great deal of thought. I've even thought about who to appoint to cabinet positions, and have decided to ask Jennifer Lopez to be my running mate.

Lastly, I want to let you know that I take YOUR input seriously. If you have any questions, suggestions, or input, please feel free to email me at alexludd -(at)- gmail -(dot)- com and share your concerns. Remember, I'm here for you.

Stand up and make your stand for quality government! Plan to vote for me in the next presidential election, and please email this URL (webpage address) to all who you know to care about things of importance. Also, please feel free to copy or link to my presidential banner ad and place it on your own website, to show your support for quality!

Most sincerely,

Alex P. Ludd, esq.

Alex Ludd 4 Prez

otrdiena, septembris 13, 2005

The Popular Vote

Alex Ludd says -- I called this post "The Popular Vote". This is because I understand that people vote for whoever is more popular. I also understand that giant bugs don't help popularity too much. Which is why I have taken up a new sport. Go for the spike!


Please consider posting this banner to your website or blog. It will really help the cause; and besides, Alex Ludd is, after all, the first winner of the prestigious Alex Ludd Award for Mega Hotness. And I've never eaten human flesh.
[note: my lawyers have advised me to mention in passing here that Christopher Walken is not known to eat human flesh, either. Any rumors to the contrary are unsubstantiated.]

svētdiena, septembris 11, 2005

September 11

Alex Ludd says -- Today is the 4th aniversery of September 11. Let us all make pictures to honor those who have died.

ceturtdiena, septembris 08, 2005

It's official.

I think I'm making progress.

Alex Ludd says --

Skindee has been asking questions about me. I think she's interested! And I have to say, I can't help noticing that little bit of red lace she's sporting. I wonder how I'd look in red.

Do not laugh when mourning me or I will come back to haunt you.

Alex Ludd says --
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered
in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The
heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared
at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a
gynecologist."

That's when the proctologist chick fainted.