trešdiena, septembris 14, 2005

Candidacy Statement

Alex Ludd says -- It is time for me to give my candidacy statement to the world. No need to thank me.

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Alex Ludd, and I hope to be the next president of the United States. I know what you are thinking: why should I vote for this newcomer to American Politics, whom I've never heard of? Well, I believe that once you've heard my qualifications, you will agree that I am the best person for the job.

First of all, we agree politically. That bozo that you didn't like? I didn't vote for him, either. In fact, I have not voted in ANY of the presidential elections in the past two decades, so I have literally no voting record for you to oppose, and I have never voted for the wrong person, not even once.

I know that you feel strongly about your political views, and so do I. In fact, I am not a member of any opposition party; you may rest assured that I will not oppose your pet initiatives or key stands. Not having held public office, I have never accepted a bribe, and you can sleep easy at night that I have never been involved in any public scandal!

In fact, I am nearly scandal proof. Being single, if I screw around I am not scandalizing a marriage. I promise here and now never to use the excuse that "I didn't inhale;" and not being inclined to commit myself to any one person, there is little risk of my ever committing adultery, even in the future. I am not a fitness nut, and you will never see me prancing around the streets of DC in my jogging shorts, or chasing skirts around the office. I don't have the energy for such exertion, and I recognize that singling out just one gender might be construed as discriminatory.

I think you can see that I am simply not a threat to either your causes or the nation's reputation. I know that by now you WANT to vote for me. You can do so in good conscience, because you see in addition to my obvious political qualifications, I have the background for the job.

An experienced inductee into the world of politics and representation, I have run for office not once, but twice. My freshman year in high school, I ran for student council, and my senior year I ran for class treasurer. I have ample exposure, too, to the world of national and international politics; I've seen Presidents Clinton and Bush on television numerous times, and watched most of the Nixon funeral. (Did you know that he was a Quaker?) I also have intimate knowledge concerning the current President Bush. I know his middle initial.

I am a caring person, and I especially care about children. I plan to be known as the education president. Education is vitally important to me, as evidenced by my own academic record. I graduated high school in the top 3/5 of my class, and this included taking several college prep classes. I attended summer school three different times, and had a reputation in high school for sticking around after classes, painting or picking up trash. My name was well-known also the office staff.

In case you are dubious of my seriousness, please let me assure you that I have given this a great deal of thought. I've even thought about who to appoint to cabinet positions, and have decided to ask Jennifer Lopez to be my running mate.

Lastly, I want to let you know that I take YOUR input seriously. If you have any questions, suggestions, or input, please feel free to email me at alexludd -(at)- gmail -(dot)- com and share your concerns. Remember, I'm here for you.

Stand up and make your stand for quality government! Plan to vote for me in the next presidential election, and please email this URL (webpage address) to all who you know to care about things of importance. Also, please feel free to copy or link to my presidential banner ad and place it on your own website, to show your support for quality!

Most sincerely,

Alex P. Ludd, esq.

Alex Ludd 4 Prez


Blogger cinders said...

At 103, do you think you're maybe too old?

Make the banner fit on my sidebar. (please?)

piektdiena, septembris 16, 2005 7:03:00 priekšpusdienā  
Blogger Harriet said...

I love it, but you do realise you're insane?

svētdiena, septembris 18, 2005 3:38:00 pēcpusdienā  
Anonymous HP said...

If either of the next candidates are as sorry as the last two, I'll write you in on the ballot in Virginia.

pirmdiena, septembris 19, 2005 4:53:00 pēcpusdienā  
Blogger Amy said...

I just noticed the "P" for the first time. What's it stand for?

piektdiena, septembris 23, 2005 4:09:00 pēcpusdienā  

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