Amy's Wish is my Political Advice

Alex Ludd says --
Amy beckons, I answer.

Seven things I want to do before I die:


1. Become president.
2. Master nuclear physics.
3. Obtain uranium.
4. Befriend the head of the CIA.
5. Open a Swiss bank account.
6. Disappear and surface under an assumed identity.
7. Sing the entire Cyndi Lauper songbook on stage.


Seven things I can do:


1. Write with my toes.
2. Lick my eyebrows.
3. Paint with a brush between my buttocks.
4. Act out the entire balcony scene from Romeo and Juliette in belches.
5. Make horses feel inadequate.
6. Sing the entire Sri Lankan national anthem in all four parts, concurrently.
7. Snort an entire fifth of Chivas Regal through the neck of a guitar.

Seven things I cannot do:


1. Tell a lie. I cut down the cherry... tree.
2. Find a good spot remover for clothing.
3. Recall sending weapons to Iran.
4. Resist Marilyn Monroe... movies.
5. Make it all the way through a play.
6. Sneak a helicopter into Tehran.
7. Stand still while the music is playin'



Seven things I say a lot:


1. YES!
2. Cash only.
3. More whipped cream.
4. If you loved me, you would.
5. You can't prove anything.
6. It's only a cold sore.
7. Who would you like me to make it out to?



Seven things I find attractive in the opposite sex:


1. Credit rating.
2. The reflections in their eyes.
3. Pure adoration.
4. Stain resistant clothing.
5. Juicy tootie fruities.
6. Connections.
7. Looks good in a gas mask.



Seven celebrity crushes:


1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Demi Moore
3. Cloris Leachman
4. Mary Kate Olson
5. Carol Channing
6. Keanu Reeves
7. Joan Cusak


Seven people who have to do this next:


1. Nicholas Peterson
2. Lorem Ipsum
3. Day Dreamer
4. Kotar the Humble
5. Shrinking Violet
6. Katie
7. Christopher Walken