I've given it deep thought for several minutes now, and after volleying suggestions around, have realized the critical and tragic flaw in the whole first lady idea. My whole campaign has been built around the fact that, being single, I am unable to cheat on a wife. Although I know the American Voter is capable of vast self-delusion, I am not sure even I could convince them that a married man would be the best for the job because of his singleness. Also, I fear it would disillusion a number of said American Voters.
The groups I particularly worry about are:
- Jon-Jon Kennedy fan club. Millions of women wanted to marry this lad, and found themselves disappointed. Dare I disappoint them again?
- Married women who just know I would be better in bed than their husbands.
- Single women who would like to intern for me but avoid the entanglement of scandals about stained dresses and definitions of two-letter words.
- Gay men.
- Bisexual men and women who would feel betrayed if I settled publicly and permanently for a mere one gender.
- People of Amazonian descent.
4 comments:
I have done some research on this issue and, after watching Commander and Chief (a definitive look at the new First Lady), I have come to the realization that while marriage complicates matters but is not the only source of dramatic conflict available to a TV series. Therefore your retirement nest egg (turning your political past into a made-for-TV movie) is secure. You should be able to generate enough drama, tension, and pathos by staying single as you would if married. Possibly more. Though not as much as if you ACTED single WHILE married. That is a true ratings sweep.
Yeah. I'm glad you mentioned the gays - you heard what happened to the former governor of New Jersey, right? He had a gay affair and the boy-toy got angry and threatened to go public... So the guy had to fess... and then he had to quit... or at least he felt he had to quit.
Single might be better for politicians... Unless you marry a celebrity, like Cher. She'd make a classy first lady.
I think Trixie may be on to something. So I stay single to get elected (assuring the public that I'm unscandalizable) and then get married, and flit like a bi-directional mariposa, so that I get both election and made for tv movie.
Ok, scandal is ok, if I hear you correctly, but only if it's after the election, when it's too late for the voters to change their minds...
Hm. If I let this plan get too public, it might defeat the purpose.
Might I suggest a female running mate? America's ready for a female VP and then you can beat Hillary to the punch. Select a single woman, and the sexual tension would be delicious.
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